Yes, Another My Immortal Commentary
by Marcelisabeth Sinclaire
Summary: Hallo, my lovelies, and welcome to Cutthroat Commentaries with Elisabeth! Today, we will be commenting on My Immortal. This story may be slow to upload, since I'm focusing on My Immortal: The Anti-Fanfiction,  also on my page . But enjoy it!
1. Chapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik **Are you?**) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **You wish.** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin **Bieber? Whoever he is, I feel sorry for him** ur da luv of my deprzzing **Deprzzing. For someone so obsessed with depression, you can't even spell it right** life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **I can tell what sort of person she is already **and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **So either it's a nickname, or you were a freaky baby** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy **Cold? **blue eyes like limpid tears **Limpid? Clear?** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) **Sayonara!**. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie **Incest…**. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white **So no other vampires have dentists, then**. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) **I doubt that, based on your writing skills**. I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell **NOOOOO, I couldn't**) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there **Hot Topic isn't very gothic**. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow **Red. So it looks like your eyes are bleeding? Mine probably will start to bleed soon**. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun **NOOO, REALLY?**, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them **Oh, lovely. Who are these 'lots of people' who tell you that you look like Amy Lee? It seems to me that you'd piss everyone off too much for them to compliment you**.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! **DUN DUN DUNNNN**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Snort! Snigger…*muffled ROFL***

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **No backbone…check.**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **Policed lion zoos tell you fangz? How many of them are there?**

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **Homophobe. **

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door **LID** of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had **Ewww**. My coffin was black ebony **I see what you did there** and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. **She put ON some clothes ON. **I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.** She wakes up…grins…flips her hair, and THEN opens her eyes?** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **Do I look like I care?**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **PMS? Here's a little nasty, gross thought…**_**You act like you're on your period, Ebony. Where did the blood that you drank come from?**_

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **But you so f-cking don't like him!**

"Guess what.**?**" he said.

"What?" I asked. **Ooh, thrilling dialogue.**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **ZOMG!**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **NOOO….REALLY?**

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **So, that's a yes, then.**

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **Again, if you really liked something you'd spell it right.**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. **Blah, blah, blah.** I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists **This makes me depressed. *slit*. I got a bad grade. *slit* I'm getting dressed. *slit* How can you slit your wrists through all the scar tissue you doubtlessly have?**. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding **BUT YOU CUT YOURSELF TO STOP BEING DEPRESSED!** and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS **omg!** of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway **Good to know you wasted foundation twice already, then**. I drank some human blood **that came from where…? Heehee…** so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **Hey! Car thief! That's Ron's dad's car! **He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz **Sounds like a band. Da Kewl Boiz.** wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666** Oh, I am so scared. Eek. Aah. Goffik.**) and flew to the place with the concert **The place with the…oh, you mean Hogsmeade**. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs **Smoke ALL the substances!**. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car **Surprising. Didn't think you could hop after smashing yourselves on drugs**. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte **That's not moshing. What happened to Simple Plan, by the way?**.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song** No, and it's obvious you copy/pasted them from some website, hence the lack of bad spelling and lack of end-sentence punctuation**).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **Well, gee, why? Oh, I know…Hot Topic is out of shirts he doesn't already have. No, wait...his eyeliner is running. No, hang on…**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **She has a brain!**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. **Could've fooled me.**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively ***barf* *yak*** and he put his arm around me all protective ***hurl, splatter***

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **She has a beard now? Blonde **_**face**_**?**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco **Check with him before you say that**. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees **Why? You already have so many! Where is the money coming from?**. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into...**A PIT OF ACID, KILLING YOU BOTH!** the Forbidden Forest! **Damn.**

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **BAAHAHAHA** nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! **I doubt that.** dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **I'm not even sure what that means.**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it.** He stopped it in midair? And walked out?** I walked out of it too, curiously. **I tried to walk curiously. It's like, in the movies, the way a kid approaches the weird glowing thing.**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts **NOOO, REALLY?**) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **You hear that? That was the sound of me throwing up. If a guy looked at me with eyes full of 'evilness' I'd run away screaming.**

And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **Suddenly just as you what?** Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **Keenly.** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. **Took of them? Like, ate them?** I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **BEST LINE.**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm **That didn't take long**. We started to kiss everywhere ***snigger* snort* ** and my pale body became all warm. And then...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **I take it back. THIS right here is the best line. In the whole damn story.**

It was...Dumbledore!

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx **Extra X**! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **Who are the people who gave her these good reviews? They obviously did, since the story continues. Endlessly.**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **Ludacris, the rapper! Where's Usher?**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry. **But why? They didn't see his thingy in your you-know what!**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice. **ROFLMAO**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **Oh, God.**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **Whaaaaat? At least suspend them! Or, detention! House points taken away! Slap on the wrist! Poke in the nose! Mean look! ANYTHING!**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **Oh, right. She never mentioned them putting their clothes back on. They must have been standing in Dumbledore's office naked. Again, ROFLMAO **When I came out...

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. **Ewww. What a creeper. **We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **Oh, they'll be goood all right.**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **Stop the madness!**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. **What the hell? Where is all this blood coming from? And I think that Count Chocula is probably American, not British. **Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top. **You'd like that, wouldn't you.**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. **Oops, guess not. **I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. ***gag* **He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **You were going down his face?** and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **Whaaat? **and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore **What is this 'anymore'? You don't know this guy!**. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. **Well no sh*t, Sherlock, you're in 'England'.** He looked exactly like Joel Madden **Google images says otherwise.**. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **You brought it up, sicko.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. ***muffled laughter***

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **Oh, these verbs. **

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **OH, THESE VERBS!**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **OH, THESE VERBS! NO SENSE, THEY MAKE!**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **I sense another sex scene coming….**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **From WHOM?** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons **What are vons, and are there gods of tin?** ! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS **She has nits?**! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake **But she's depressed in a sexy way.**!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish **Oh, gods** as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish **Do I care?** (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **Can I get a collective YES? **I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **Filled with so much sorrow and evilness….**I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.** Wait, shouldn't he be jealous of Draco?** Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then...

We started frenching passively **Oiu? Non. Fromage. **and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra **SNM much?** and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Another collective YYYYEEEESSS!**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm **That was fast **when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing **Ewww…the tattoo was bloody?** were the words... Vampire! **That's one word.**

I was so angry. **RAWR!**

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. **Orgasm deactivated!**

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **What? Is this James Bond?**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **So do you now. Maybe she'll die!**

I put on my clothes all huffily **I'm picturing that and laughing so hard.** and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. ** But you noticed, didn't you…**I stomped out and did so **Did what?** until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people **who are preps and therefore not worthy to mention**.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **Taking a leaf out of Dumby's book, are we?**

AN: stop flassing **Flassing? Like, flossing? **ok! if u do den u r a prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me **I WONDER WHYYY **and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked **Didn't need that image **and started begging me to take him back. **Out of character, much?**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **Um, I think it is.**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly **Understatedly? Also, where did SHE come from?**. She flipped her long waste-length** That's a WASTE of hair. Har har.** gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on **What the hell?**. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **But why, if she was pale?** Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. **Wait, random? **Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother **Oh god.** and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it **OH GOD.**. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed **Good lord**. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger **Where the hell does that come from?**. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. **Slytherin: for Satanists only!** )

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit **Tell it to her, Snape ol' boy!**!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **She was going out with Vampire?**

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me **Wait….what?**. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony** No she's not. Raven's not her gf in that way, **_**ew**_**, remember?**) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **Who was that? And who's Britney? So confuuuuuuuused!**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed **I think her goal is to add in a curse for every sentence**. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **WAHAHAHAHAA** to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **Even if she meant "burst", you can't 'start to' burst into tears.**

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox** I can't even type this badly when I try to.**! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers **Does Dumbledore…excuse me, **_**Dumbeldor**_** swear in the movie? I think not**! besuizds **That's a fun word. **I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a Satanist **No…somehow I don't think that's why.**! MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **Did **_**what**_**? What is this 'it'?**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything** Everything? **started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose** REALLY?** (basically like Voldemort in the movie **Well, who could this be, then?**) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic **Oh yeah, because the broom didn't have gothic MCR lace, right?**. It was... Voldemort! **DUH!**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. **Um…wrong spell?**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. **ANOTHER AMAZING LINE!** Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **Oooh, he's allergic to cats.** I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **Contradictory girl is contradictory.**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. ***blargh* *retch* **I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **OMG NOOOOOO WAAAAAYYYY**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **Cause that's gonna stop him.**

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **It's actually possible. I've done it before. **"I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. **Oooh! Moving objects wit' yo mind, y'all! **"And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **Ignore the fact that you just had Voldemort tell you that Draco would be killed. Attention span of a goldfish, this girl has.**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way **That doesn't even make any sense**.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered. **Annnnnd watch her ignore his answer and continue talking about herself in three….two…one…**

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." **CHA-CHING! **I expelled **Oh, these verbs.**

"That's okay." he said all depressed **God, has he no backbone?** and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.

AN: stup it u gay fags **But she luvs gay guys, remember?** if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok **I didn't even understand that sentence the first time I read it.**!

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day **Why, when Voldemort is much more scary than Vlodemort?**. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666 **Oh, god no**. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar **OH, GOD NO.**. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR **I am going to hurl up my guts**. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it. **barffff**) and Hargrid **That pervert, hanging out with little kids**. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that **Your earrings were crosses earlier**) or a steak **Medium rare!**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride **Oh yeah, because claymation is super depressing. *eyeroll***. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **Oh my wizard god, she read my mind.**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **Oh, heavens. Again.**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. **A concerted voice. That should be rated M for too much sax and violins. Hyuck, hyuck!**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! **F—ck, f—ck, f—ck.** But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.  
>Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.<p>

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **Oh god, this is too much. How OOC are these characters going to get?**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely **He recited the Fibonacci sequence in between tears**. (c dats basically nut swering **It's not at all. **and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 **It is.** it delz wit rly sris issus **Srisness is a very controversial issu these days.**! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied **EPIC TYPO**! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself **How do you have friends?**. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way **Well, frankly, being a perv might actually improve his being a one-dimensional character at the moment.**.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes **MAH WRISTS ARE ALL ON MAH CLOTHES** so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily **Graaaah! *jump* **while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume **Is that really considered "goth" now?**. I grabbed a steak **Medium-rare!** and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly **She had just come from the beach, you see**. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed... Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it **Masticate: 1: to grind or crush (food) with or as if with the teeth : chew. 2: to soften or reduce to pulp by crushing or kneading**! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED **You're fully clothed**! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason **Where does she buy this crap?** on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb **ROTFL ROTFL. Most epic typo in the history of ever.**. I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion **billion squidillion** times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in **which made him look like a pedo**. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly...

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. **What? What? Where are they? When is this? Sudden transportation?**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **He's the gamekeeper. He was expelled years ago.**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT..." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **WTF?**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp **Crisp and tart! **voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him** Dumblydore shot him? Whoa!**. "There must be other factors." **I think she's trying to make him sound smart or something.**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **I don't even understand how this could be done.**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly **His middle name is Babar, people.**. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **Duh-whaaat?**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **How….how did his hands get dirty? He was just chewing! Just chewing!**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. **I can't even think of a witty response to that.** I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in **These verbs.** singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **OH MY GOD, MY EYES THEY BLEED. And my imagination, it bleeds. Brain bleach! Brain bleach!**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan. **Well he just said he was a Satanist, so no sh—t, Sherlock Snap.**

"Because I LOVE HER!" ***explosive vomit***


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric** Cedric?** ok! **God knows we need Tara's input on pedos in the school system.**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. **Here is a knife, my love. Use it valiantly against an enemy.**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid **Cedric** but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Wait, where did he come in?**

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me **OH LORD** and I always cover it up with foundation. **OH DOUBLY LORD**" he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **kINKEEEEHHHH**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID **CEDRIC** were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **The fruit store!** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. **He constipated it. Pepto-Bismol for Dumbledore! **I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid **Cedric **came into my hospital bed **Ewww. He's in her bed.**holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink **Your coffin is pink, darling **anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid **CEDRIC **had been mean to me before for being gottik.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **Um, okay?**

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" **No, they're Republicans! I don't know…** I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. **You've covered that.**

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video **A p-video? Porno? Don't think so.** made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **Can I get a collective YEEEEESSSS **to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. **You are rather girly.**

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye **Oh, creepy** and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! **With the random CapITALiZaAtIon!**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **Oh, very wise.**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes.** Wow.**" Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" **Is that supposed to be, like, Italian?**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **A black flame, and it was black. Department of Redundancy Department, much? **Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **No, he's a goff too!**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **What is he? He's….I'm not even sure anymore.**

Hairgrid **CEDRIC**rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, **appearing out of nowhere,** watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT** OMG, I totally geddit, lol.**) u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid **FREAKIN' CEDRIC** yelled. dUMBLydore **dUUUMMMMMblydore. Lol.** lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **Of course.**

Hairgrid **CEDRIC, DAMN YOU! **stormed off back into his bed. **Wait, what?** "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!" **First dUUUUMMMMMblydore, now Dumbledoreeeeeeee!**

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. **Blah blah blah blah.**

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit **Shut up!**) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. **Finally!** Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures **ROTFL**. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco **We know, love, we know**. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **Wait, WHAT? How could the teachers just let this happen?**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **WHERE ARE THE TEACHERS?**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. **Oh, there they are.**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. **Tease. **You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **DEJA VUUUUUU**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" **KinKeHHH**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 **Being blood sisters spreads AIDS. We learned about it in school.**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **Her sweater? That's not too 'goffik',.**

Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **In the words of Lauren Lopez…"What a bitch."**

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Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" **Is that his first and last name in this? Mr. Dumbledore Dumblydore?** we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **SEX JOKE!**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **Oh god, Dumbledore Dumblydore is EVIL!**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged. **He's just laughing…**

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn **No headache. **what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. **What a surprise.** Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot! **Not like this, they aren't**)

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed. **But I forgot it!**

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"  
>It was….. <strong>a Muslim! <strong>Voldemort!

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists **Pfft. Yeah, sure**. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION **Which means 'oozing pus'.**ADVISD.

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there **Well no, Volcemort would be. Silly girl!** Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. **But he was alive when you saw him last!** Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail. **Wait, who's Snaketail? Does she mean Wormtail, or Snake/Snape/Snoop/Snap?**

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted **He knows what preps are?** as we started shooting him with the gun he Then **What do you mean, he Then?** suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. **Blaaaaargh **"." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok **What the fuuu?**)

"Huh?" I asked.  
>"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail <strong>Wow. Desperate AND delusional<strong>. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard. **Say it one more time, I don't think he heard you say f-ck**" I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. **Rhymes with moo, people.** He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. **Aww, remorse at last?**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **Voldy's a tranny! **So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **What an insentitive little 'd' he is. **He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **You've mentioned his penis before, dearie.**

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything. **Random compliment (ish) of friend inserted here. Nice.**"

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco. **Tara, I mean, pot, I'd like you to meet the kettle. I understand you've just called it black.**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away. **Oh. What. A. Horrible. Freaking. Curse.**

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein! **Flame her! Quick! Kill it with fire!**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted. **I remove my statement calling him insensitive, and stick it firmly to her instead.** I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. **He's hideous.** I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **Like that's stopped her before.**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **Oooooh, advanced Biology indeed! Does this nut job girl even understand what Biology is? It doesn't involve bloody pentagrams or guitars! Has she ever been to freaking school?**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. **He still does.** Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it **Oh yeah, totally**) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson **I don't really care** (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr! **Bye-bye, I'm getting out od hr**) .

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now **Like I care**) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story **Anti-goth alert! That's so preppy!**. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether **Wow, really?**. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

Chapter 16.

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! **Thanks, Britney5655, I hate you.**

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. **WHO CARES? **Anyway, we stated moshing **Doubt it. **to Helena. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **Time warp to past in five…four…three….two….**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. **Bing! We have arrived at the past.**"Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them"

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted **Gadgetted?** uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **Since when?**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream **So hipster**" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina **Aguilera, people.**or what now?"

"NO." he muttered loudly.

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.

I was flattened **by a steamroller, hopefully **cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched **Oui? Non. Fromage. Je ne se quois.**4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in Japanese **Nope, wrong.**). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U! **Oooooh, intense! Catfight! Mrrow!**)

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. **Der deutsches Filme über Geisten und so.**"Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **That explains why he'd find Ebony's sickeningly pale body easy to masturbate to.**

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence **with their telekinesis **for da rest uv da movie. **Yes, I know it's wrong.**

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY.** tHaT'S sO aWeSoMe.**"Omfg totally lets go shopping."

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial **It's so spshcial.** Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). Or me. **Amneeeeeesia.**

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly. **Didn't look quiet to me.**

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **OMG TOTALLY RITE **and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit. **Paranoooooia.**

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. **Does not happen. I've tried. *strut strut, thrusts out chest* **Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA **Take that, Raven! **way what's yours?"

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" I yelled angrily **says the girl who was flirting with him two seconds ago**, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 17.

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! **FOOOOOOOOOOOK yooooooou tooooooooooo! I am a ghoooooooooooooooooostie!**

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Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual **Stereotype much?**). Hargird kept shooting at us to cum **Epic typo **back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Willow came **When will she stop with this "Well anyway" stuff?**. Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said. **OMG, Kawaii Desu Neeee!**

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. **Random complimenting of friends, yaaaay!**She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **Yeah, because that's a GOOD thing, right? God, I want to smack Tara in her face so hard right now.**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. **You're so 'ot, luvvy!** Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart **Wal-Mart's sister store **was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel **Let's have a round of applause for Bellybutton, friends! **but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. **Of course.** Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. **And didn't die? My, this girl is like Charlie Sheen gone….wrong.**Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there….I gapsed.

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. **Can we please stop talking about how sexy these random guys are? **He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. **Ethnic?** We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask**, which you forgot to mention he was wearing**. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes...**and no nose, oh, and also, he didn't have a nose.** Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came **Is he THAT sexy? Or exciting? Lol. just ignore me**. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **Is that another one of your little gothic bands?**

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. **Oooh…first a tranny, now an angst-ridden Dark Lord! Either way, KILL WITH FIRE!**"Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!"

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife.

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. **Om nom, bread. **He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. **Because she's totally goffik. **He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE! **OH MAH GODDDD**

Chapter 18.

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der! **Oh lovely, she and Raven made up. Now we all can look forward to more random freakin' shout-outs to RAVEN I LUV U GURRRRRRL. I shudder with…..delight. Yes, let's call it delight.**

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. **Ugh. It's all beginning to sound the same to me.**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth **Oh yeah, I'm sure**). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. **I DO NOT CARE.** We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what **SEX! SEX! SEX~!** to a Linkin Park song. **Since when is Linkin Park 'goffik'?**)

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall **This is where they get the grated cheese**. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant **Was it really painted PINK before?** And there were pastors **Let us pray** of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. **Says the girl who just had SEX to a Linkin Park song.**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. **Blah blah blah. **Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. **Double entendre!** We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi. **So the double entendre should have come after this sentence. Lol, ignore me.**

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel **MAH BELLEHBUTTUN** was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came **Oh, so he was bi as well? Lol, ignore me some more**. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation **So how could you tell his skin was tan?** and he had died his hare black. **That poor bunny.**

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **Because VolDemort wouldn't be scared by this. I am, though.**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted **That sounds so funny….**and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.

"BTW you can call me Albert." **because that's TOTALLY his name** HE CALLED AS WE LEFT **random CapitAliZatiON **to our classes.

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood **And assumed it was because of you and Draco? I think it's because he's so upset to be in your fanfiction** in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard **OH GOD, NO.**) but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted.

I was so fucking angry. ** That's like a permanent state of being for you.**

Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11 **If she's a pureblood, then why did Draco call her a 'Muggle bitch' a little while ago? Consistency issues.**

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go. **Not another damn concert!**

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Draco was being all secretive.

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty **Ewwww…**(rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot **Um, sure**).

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes **That poor rabbit. What is with animal cruelty here?** like Billie Joe **Billie Joe?** in Boulevard of Borken **Borken?** Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints **Paints are baggy?**, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik **If only he would REALLY die. And Enoby as well. And Willow.**) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik **Hmm…who has this chickie's email?**)

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled. **Let's turn the story away from YOUR petty widdle pwoblems, shall we? What about ENOBY'S damn problems? Like running out of foundation? Or….running out of money to spend at Hot Topic?**

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned. **These verbs.**

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted. **Wait, what? Did I miss something?**

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped **LOL** as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces **DOWN HER POO, EVERYONE!** like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video! **Please stop the shout-outs**). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot. **Then the cig was wasted, right? God, even my kid brother knows that you don't smoke pot with a cigarette.**

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated. **Inside Hogwarts. Which is impossible.**

"You gave me a fucking shock! **Wow. That's an interesting expression**" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?"

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore.

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. "What are u wearing to the concert?"

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped. **I'm surprised she doesn't faint from all this gasping. Also, why did he pull out his wallet?**

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u." **Okay. Let's get this straight. He asks her about a concert (which he's not even going to), ignores that she doesn't answer his question, and randomly delivers a message about Draco?Ah, this story makes SOOOO much sense.  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 20.

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania **Yeah, right.** 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple **Urp. That's the sound my stomach makes when I read this story.** lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact **Tiny** boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one. **OH GOD, NOT ANOTHER FREAKING CONCERT!** I slit my wrists while I moshed **by herself? **2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom **again, by herself?**. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly **Praise the LOAHD!** I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again.

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape **OH GOD I AM LAUGHING **me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo. **Or…I mean, or they could be…fired? Naaaah.**

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily. **What is a TEACHER doing asking students to borrow condoms? Though, arguably, with her promiscuous clothing Ebony/Enoby/Egogy does look like the sort of person who would have them.**

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally.

"Fuker." He said, gong away. **Wow. Nice comeback, Loopin.**

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went **Went WHERE?**. Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1 **OH GOD. OH GOD PLEASE NO. OH SWEET LORD, I AM LAUGHING SO HARD. Oh…oh my…that was amusing.**

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat **What? Condoms? Or 'sadistically', which was not your intended word?**)

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin **Wait, Lumpkin was there too?** shouted angrily.

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed. ***singing*** **Shawty's like a melody in my head that is really goff, got me singing like…OMFG every day, Ebony is stuck on replay, replayayayay…..for all you super-fly Iyaz fans, there, that is a tribute!**

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?" **What's with the constant unison?**

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked **Snarked. Halfway between a snort and a bark**. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork **Poor Dumbledork…he's such a dork**. So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. **You couldn't have just used a spell?** Well anyway **STOP THAT**, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot. **Enough plot, let's get back to the romance and goffikness!**

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum ***snort***." Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum ***snicker* **with me? 2 the concert?"

Then….. he showed me his flying car **Um…euphemism?**. I gasped. It was a black car **UM…EUPHEMISM?** He said his dogfather Serious Blak had given it 2 him. **Uh…guess it's not a euphemism, then.** The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it. **Whoops, no, that was just my dirty mind. No euphemisms here, everyone.**

….I gasped. **She gasps far too much. **

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.

Vampire and I began 2 make out **What? You slut**, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot **You have covered that numerous times in the past nineteen chapters! You don't need to cover that anymore**! He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner. **Oh no. Here we bloody go again.**

Chapter 21.

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed! **I'm considering not even commenting on these author's notes anymore. They're just so full of BS and misspelling.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666**1234**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice. **Drahhhhhco…..are y ou….okay? That's how I read it.**

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. **Here's how I imagine it. He runs off a few feet, pretends to slash his wrists and makes groaning sounds, falls over, and writhes on the ground until he gets to his destination. **I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. **Well no shit, he just ran off in a 'suicidal way'. He's SUICIDAL.**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better."

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too. **What a bitch she is.**

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail **You mean spade.** face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone **Everyone…my name is 'pail', but it sounds like 'pale'. *weeps*** den fuk of!)

And then….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke **Cherry or Vanilla?**. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris **Who? **there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth **The real janitor?** come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly. **Wait what….ohhh, I get it. She mixed up Filch the janitor with Mrs. Norris the cat. Nice one, Tara…**

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast **BOOBIES!** in a disgusted way. **So mature, Vampire.**

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. **He's got good hearing. **Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" **Noooo, it's just hanging around. In midair. Unsupported. **he asked. Filth nodded. **How can 'Mr. Norris' see 'Filth' if he's under the INVISIBILITY Cloak? **And then….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining **this story **away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school. **Multitasking Draco.**

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"

"I guess though." Draco weeped. **Obviously not, but whatevs. **We went back to our coffins frenching each other. **She's such a chippy. **Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin **No…...it's more 'scary'.**) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. **Oooooh…something happening THEN! Not in the future but Then! I think she's been smoking too much drugs. **There was a knok on the door and Fug **Who? **and da Mystery of Magic **What? **walked into the school!1 **So suspenseful…..oooooh…**

Chapter 22.

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1 **Stop insulting Raven if you're just going to take it back, stupid chippy.**

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666 **My mother is a rhinoceros**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. Well anyway, **Well, ANYWAY, let's get back to the endless description of MY clothing and undying sexiness. **I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped.

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!

I opened my crimson eyes. **Of course you did this AFTER knowing who was in front of you. **Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. **The boots were attached to the top? **Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. ** Do I honestly look like I care? **Darkness (who is Jenny) **Spoilers for anyone who reads my antifanfiction…that's the mystery character in it. **was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism. **Stan is our leader…..Stan is our leader…Stan is our leader…..**

"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?"

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said.

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice. **If she says 'fuck' one more time, I will f-cking f-ck her up the f-cking ass.**

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective."  
><strong>Because you're just so sexy, darling.<strong>  
>"I will I will." he said.<p>

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. **Looks like Draco wasn't the only erective one. **We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too. **Three out of three names spelled wrong.**

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK **WOOF WOOF **LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS **Wow….lmfao**! YOU MUST RETRY **Retry WHAT? **OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!" **I think her Caps Lock key must be stuck.**

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." **Ah, well it's a good thing it isn't EBONY Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.**

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped. **Awww, upset because it wasn't you?**


End file.
